TRP: Hansel and Mishka (Anwyll is Diva)
Day 407. After Goro’s memory loss, Mishka frets in the dining room and waits for Hansel to return home so he can break the news. Goro was hiding in the bushes again. Mishka’s heart fucking broke for the guy. He looked itchy and overstimulated, eyes flickering this way and that like he was trying to take in all the details around him, but-- at the same time-- like he was way too overwhelmed to actually take in those details. Mishka wanted to go shake him and say, There’s no snake here. We’re going to protect you. It’s fine, but those things were lies. Mishka had no idea where the snake was and he wasn’t sure he could protect Goro. Luci looked like she was handling things for a while. When she left to go drag him out of the woods, Mishka wanted to say, No, no, leave him alone, don’t yell at him. Let him stay in the woods if he wants to. But Luci had it handled. She corralled him into the house for a while and got some food in him, then let him go. The entire time, Mishka sat in an overstuffed armchair in the dining room. He observed what was going on with brief glances through the dining room windows-- which looked into the sunroom windows perpendicular to the house. He sipped some green tea to calm down. He was starting to worry about Hansel and Larkin. They’d been gone all day, and they hadn’t told him where they were going. He was sure it was fine, though. Hansel wouldn’t do anything reckless without him. IZZY Hansel and Larkin split up once they reached the castle. He still felt vaguely disgusting, but maybe that was just ... how he had to feel. Wasn't the swamp grime doing it. It felt a bit better for them to divide and conquer, and her to check upstairs while he checked the ground floor, and the grounds. He went across the main hall, first, to peek into Mishka's office, and when no one was there (needed to see Mishka; needed to make sure he was safe), he passed through the archway between the two great staircases and into the dining room. There was the quiet clatter of someone in the kitchen, and everything seemed ... normal. Everything seemed like it always seemed, when he got home late from some mercenary work, tired and a little beat up and a little grumpy, and wanting to see his husbands and his chaver and his kids. Mishka was in the dining room, looking cozy, staring out the window, and Hansel relaxed, instinctively, and then tensed again, and then stopped, just feeling ... off. He couldn't see Mishka's face, couldn't see his eyes. He thought about Larkin, upstairs, alone. She was crafty. Slippery and smart. She could get away. Shouldn't worry about her -- it was just too fucking much to worry about Mishka, right now (dripping black from his eyes and mouth, that voice), and the worry had to go somewhere safer. He stopped in the big, grand doorway and thought about Mishka cuddling against him, after it was done, and promising him a castle. A new start. And he felt sort of frozen, not just in that he couldn't quite move, but in that he was cold, and his fingers felt a little numb. Hansel swallowed, a bit doubtfully, he quietly called, "Mishka?" across the room. COYOTE Mishka uncoiled from the overstuffed chair. That was Hansel’s voice. He’d been dozing. “Hans?” Hansel looked damp. And he looked a bit panicked, for some reason. Mishka reacted unthinkingly; he rose from his chair and padded over, ready to touch Hansel’s face and explain calmly that everything was okay, and he was sorry for alarming Hansel by asking him to come home quickly. Everything was alright. IZZY He let out a breath. Hadn't even known he'd been holding it -- hadn't felt his fingernails digging into his palm, or the tightness in his shoulders, until it eased. He still needed to see Goro, find out why the fuck that dumbass had taken off his bracelet, still needed to see Raef, make sure he was okay, was himself, but -- for now it was all right. He still had Mishka. Still his voice, still his amber eyes, still his clever brain in control of his body, and things would be okay -- they'd work it out together. Hansel met him halfway, relieved, leaning against him and grabbing him around the waist, dropping his face against Mishka's shoulder. Safe. Safe. Okay. And Mishka didn't even know yet, but Hansel still mumbled, "It's gonna be okay, it's all right, I got you, I got you." COYOTE Mishka meant to say, It’s alright, it’s gonna be okay, I got you, but Hansel beat him there. Mishka’s fingers dug in with concern. He meant to say, Goro is safe, but he’s lost all his memories and doesn’t know who we are. “What?” he said, puzzled. “Hansel. Darling, what’s wrong?” IZZY Hansel said, "It's gonna be okay," again, because he didn't know where to start. He swallowed. "We -- we oughta sit down." COYOTE “Oh no. Oh no,” Mishka said. Oh no. They both had bad things, didn’t they. “Please, no. Not another thing.” IZZY Hansel lifted his head back up to grimace. "There's another thing." He leaned back in to hug Mishka hard -- more for himself, at this fuckin' point -- and pick him up, just to make it go faster. Get it over with. Carried him over to the table and dragged a chair out with his boot, sitting down heavily and shifting Mishka over into the chair next to him, to face him. If it was Goro, he'd just hold him and squeeze him, but Mishka wasn't like that. Hansel kept hold of both his hands and looked at him steadily. It was like fixing a dislocated shoulder. You just had to do it fast. Hansel hated saying bad shit, though, hated being the bearer of bad news. He kinda hope that Larkin found Goro and told him, just so Hansel wouldn't have to do it, but he wanted to be there, too, to make it easier for Goro. (Why the fuck had he taken off his bracelet? Mishka said they were all good, all safe. Said there was another thing, though. All right. Focus, commander.) He took a breath. "Me an' Larkin," he said, "we, uh, we went to get Anwyll. On Patch Island. Tracked him down. Must've gotten to him right after he fuckin' ... got done attacking Goro. And -- everything went all right, Larkin's safe, I'm good." He worried his tongue against his broken tusk. "Killed Anwyll." He had to say the next part. Had to. He really did. COYOTE Hansel was moving him. Hansel was sitting him down in a chair. Hansel was sitting across from him, taking his hands, looking really fucking concerned, looking upset. Watching him like he was trying to figure out how to comfort Mishka, how to keep him safe, which didn’t line up with what he was saying. There was something else. Something else was wrong. Something bad. Or— if Hansel’s behavior wasn’t matching up, didn’t make sense— maybe Hansel had something wrong with his head, too. Mishka kept spinning through possibilities. Someone else had died. Something terrible had happened. Or someone had hit Hansel with some sort’ve curse or enchantment and was making him panic even though nothing was wrong. “Neshama, what’s wrong?” he asked, puzzled. “It’s okay. I’ll help you through it.” IZZY Hansel shook his head. He kind of just kept shaking his head. "Diva," he said. "Anwyll -- Anwyll was Diva. Hosted, or -- I don't know. Killed him and she fucking put him back together, and it was just her. Just fucking Diva." Hello, handsome. COYOTE Mishka frowned at him. "Hans. Diva is dead." He leaned forward to check Hansel's pupils. "I think we should get Luci." She'd have magic that could reverse whatever was wrong with Hansel. A thought itched in the back of his head, though, saying, What if he's right. What if Diva is back. No. No, that didn't make sense. She wasn't a person. It wasn't like she could be resurrected. Mishka sometimes lay awake at night, trying to figure out what he'd do if Diva came back, but the answer was, well, fucking nothing, because there was no good contingency plan for dealing with something like fucking Diva. So he consoled himself by reminding himself it was in fact completely impossible for her to come back. And that had made him feel better. IZZY "Mishka, no," he said firmly. "Larkin'll tell you the same thing. We saw her. I saw her. I heard her fucking ... voice." He gripped Mishka's hands tighter. "She knew me. It was her." COYOTE Ice slid down Mishka's spine. He gripped Hansel's forearms to steady himself, blinking rapidly to focus on Hansel in front of him. For a second, he couldn't move. It felt like he was paralyzed. Which was a fucking terrifying feeling. Like he was locked in again, looking at Hansel through his own eyes but not able to speak or touch him. He could feel his heart racing in his ears. That was the same as last time, too. The last time he'd been hosted, his heart constantly pounded, because he had constantly been in the midst of a panic attack, but he'd never been able to fucking say anything or do anything about it. Just had to sit there under her control. Impotently screaming inside his own head. "No," Mishka said. "What? No." It had to be true. Hansel would not lie to him, and Hansel looked certain, so certain. "No," Mishka said again. "She recognized you? No." IZZY Hansel nodded. He wanted to fucking not, he wanted to say, I don't know, my love, maybe I'm wrong, help me find a way I could be wrong, but he nodded. He pushed forward to wrap around Mishka again, holding onto him desperately. "It'll be okay," he insisted, like they'd been arguing about it. "I got you. We'll -- I dunno how yet, but we're gonna kill her, and I got you, and she can't fucking have you. I got you. Can't have you again." He thought about the jade pendant. COYOTE Mishka gripped Hansel's arms so tight he was certain there would be finger-shaped bruises there in the morning, and he shifted into Hansel's lap, clinging to him like he could crawl into Hansel's clothes and under his skin. He thought about contingency plans. He thought about what would happen if Diva got him again. How it came out of fucking nowhere, with Goro-- for all his paranoia and his backup plans, all it took was an instant for her to slam his head into the deck of the crow's nest and force a larvae down his throat. It wasn't going to be okay. She could have him again. Very quickly. She could be inside Hansel right now. There had been no clues with Goro, no indication of what was about to happen. Hansel could slam his head into the table and overpower him in an instant. It would be so easy. "What if she's in you," Mishka whispered frantically against Hansel's collarbone. IZZY "She ain't," Hansel said quickly, and he wanted to hold tighter, but he made himself push away, instead -- 'cause Diva would want to get close, right? Except that Hansel did, too, and he knew he wasn't hosted (he did, didn't he?), and he wanted to fucking hold onto Mishka and tell him you're safe, you're safe, I got you, it's okay. He made himself push Mishka back into his own chair, and push himself back, chair legs scraping on the floor. "She ain't," he promised desperately, trying to think, but -- he wasn't clever enough for this. "How -- fuck, shit, how can I prove it? What can I do? Tell me what to do." COYOTE Mishka didn't let him leave. He clung, instead. He refused to let Hansel push him back. IZZY "Mishka." He didn't try to push him away again, though. He couldn't. COYOTE Mishka couldn't move. He just kept thinking that-- Hansel was safe. The fact that Hansel might've been infected during the fight, or something might be wrong with him, didn't really register. Hansel was safe. And even if he wasn't safe, Mishka didn't really care, because Mishka would feel safe anyway. He slid his arm up under Hansel's shirt for better skin contact, making a small, strangled noise into Hansel's shirt. The back of his neck prickled, and he suddenly became painfully aware that they were in the middle of the dining room, which suddenly felt way too open. "Gonna move us," he managed to stammer out. Then he cracked them both into his room, and they landed with an ooph into Mishka's canopy bed on the floor in the corner. IZZY Hansel squeezed his eyes shut through the lurch -- that helped, sometimes, and he really didn't need to fucking lose his shit right now. He swallowed it down. "Okay," he said quickly. "We're okay. Promise." COYOTE Mishka buried his face in Hansel's chest and fisted his hands in Hansel's clothes. He let out a shuddering breath. He just sat there for a few minutes, letting the panic wash over him. Somebody told him, once, that you couldn't control your emotions, and that sometimes you just had to feel them. So he let himself do that. He let himself be completely fucking terrified. At some point he scrambled under the covers, and he pulled the covers over Hansel as well, still clinging to his chest. He rarely clung to Hansel like this. Only during times of extreme distress, which were rare. IZZY Hansel was quick to duck under the covers with him, dragging them into place -- not letting go for a bit until then, and going straight back to holding him afterwards, wrapped around him like just Hansel's physical presence would be enough. Like if he got his arms far enough around Mishka, Diva couldn't do anything to them. He wished it worked that way. Wished these problems were as simple as just being big and snarling and stabbing. They weren't, though -- they never fucking were. And he needed Mishka to help him work out what to fucking do, and he knew this would pass, and Mishka would settle, because he had to. They both had to. But they could have this. For a moment, they could have this, and Hansel just held him tightly, and kissed his head, and he didn't know if Mishka was listening, but he murmured, I got you, I got you, it's okay, my love, it'll all be okay, won't let anything happen to you, I got you, I love you, it's okay. COYOTE Mishka relaxed in Hansel's arms, inch by inch. God, it felt so fucking good to just hide here. Until at last he managed to get out, "Goro." IZZY Hansel's heart clenched. He remembered, again, how Mishka had said, Not another thing. "Aye?" he said slowly. "His bracelet went black." COYOTE "He's... he got fucked up. He's fucked up." IZZY "You said ... he's safe, though. Right?" It occurred to Hansel, for the first time, that Mishka might say that even though Goro wasn't okay, if something bad had happened to him that Hansel couldn't do anything about, just to keep Hansel from freaking out. Was more important that Hansel get home. Maybe Goro was ... poisoned, or something -- fuckin' snake had been venomous -- and maybe he was stable right now, but maybe they needed to get an antidote, maybe they needed Anwyll's venom to make one -- COYOTE "He can't remember anything." Mishka swallowed. "At all. He's... he lost everything. He couldn't remember who I was. After Anwyll attacked him. And he still doesn't." IZZY "What?" Hansel said. COYOTE "He can't remember who anyone is," Mishka said. "I-- I found him. I talked him down. I brought him back. He's... okay. He doesn't know who you are, though. He won't know. When you talk to him." IZZY Hansel stared off blankly for a moment, petting Mishka's back. "But he's ... he's safe, right? He's ... here, in the castle, aye, he's with someone, or ... someone's watchin' him, so ... so he's safe?" The words didn't quite want to come out -- not how they usually did, when his throat closed up, and he could barely force them out, but more like -- he was just confused. Like he didn't know what to say at all. It wasn't really sinking in. All that mattered was that Mishka was here, right now, in his arms, safe -- and Goro was safe. Even if he was fucked up, he was safe. That was all Hansel could think to hold onto. COYOTE "I don't know where he is. He-- he was in the sunroom. With Luci. She was looking after him, and then... he walked outside with Leigh, at some point." Mishka shut his eyes. "You should go see him." IZZY "Okay," Hansel said, sort of vaguely. He kept petting Mishka's back. "Okay." He didn't move to get up. "Yeah." Anwyll attacked Goro. Anywll was Diva. Goro didn't know who he was. Anwyll was Diva. Why would Anwyll attack Goro? Anwyll was Diva. Raef had talked to Anwyll. Anwyll was Diva. Anwyll attacked Goro. There was -- there was something there, not slotting together, like taking apart a watch but losing a tiny gear before you could put it back together. He needed to talk to Raef. He needed to figure this out. Anwyll was Diva, but Diva was dead, something was different, Raef would know -- he would know if Anwyll was Diva, but he was, and Goro didn't know who he was anymore. There was something. There was something. COYOTE Mishka pushed the damp hair out've Hansel's face. "You came back to me," he murmured. "You fought that monster and came back to me. That's all I care about." He kissed Hansel's face repeatedly. IZZY Hansel blinked a couple times, coming back to the moment. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, nodding just a little under the kisses. "Aye. Always, ahuvi. Always." The rest could be dealt with. The bigger picture -- Mishka was good with that. He took a long, deep breath. He'd deal with the moment. COYOTE "Um," Mishka said. "I have a... I have a request." He hid against Hansel's neck again. IZZY Hansel rested against him, fitting them together with his cheek against Mishka's head. "Aye, anything." COYOTE "Can I... see what happened?" He touched Hansel's head. "Will it bother you if I look? I want to see what she looked like. When she came back. What she said." IZZY Hansel frowned. "You ... sure? It wasn't fuckin' pretty." COYOTE Mishka swallowed. "I want details. I want to see." IZZY Hansel nodded. "A'right," he said quietly. "Okay." He closed his eyes and held Mishka tighter. He knew Mishka could only skim the top of his thoughts, without pushing harder, and he wouldn't resist if Mishka wanted to see more. Hansel trusted him. But it just seemed like it would be ... easier, this way, so he made himself think about it. About the fucking snake turning away from him, and striking at Larkin, constricting around her. About her struggling against it, and Hansel trying to yell at it, get its attention, make it fucking stop, make it come for him instead. About how he'd failed, and how his thumb was already on the little button to turn his trident into a sword, to slash the motherfucker open and get her back -- and how he hadn't had the time before it wavered and glowed, and Larkin burst out of it, covered in slime and coughing. About how he'd helped her up, and Anwyll sort of -- melted -- About how he turned into black slugs, and reformed with those black eyes, and, Hello, handsome, in that fucking voice. And then the sickness of the teleportation, and the running. Hansel grit his teeth and dug his fingers into Mishka, and -- he thought about their wedding, and their vow renewal on the beach, and he thought about soft sleepy mornings, and curling up and reading together, and flirting shamelessly in bars, and looking out over the ocean, under the stars, and he thought, I got you, I got you, I got you. COYOTE Mishka stomach dropped when he saw the scene in Hansel’s head. He could feel Hansel’s fear, anger, and disgust through the connection when Diva reformed. Hello, handsome, was connected to another memory in Hansel’s head, one he wasn’t actively thinking of. The memory of Mishka walking into the dining room of his estate, black dripping from his eyes and mouth. Saying, Hello, lover. Mishka has lived that moment himself, but it was fucking eerie, seeing it from the other side. Hansel tried to make it better with soft, sweet memories of them being together. Mishka let his hand fall. He wasn’t prepared for the rush of defensive anger when he felt Diva’s eyes on him. On fucking Hansel. He settled against Hansel’s chest, closing his eyes. “That’s why Anwyll ate Goro,” he said aloud, still puzzled. “Because Diva hates Goro.” That sounded kind’ve right. Maybe he was still missing something, though. IZZY Hansel nodded. He took a quiet steadying breath. Pushed the thought of dripping black eyes away, focused on this, the moment -- Mishka was safe, Goro was safe. Diva was far away from them. "Aye," he murmured. "I gotta ..." Another breath. "Gotta talk to Raef. 'Bout Anwyll. Missing somethin', I dunno, it ain't all fittin' together just right. Raef'd know. You think? He'd know if Anwyll was fuckin' Diva, this whole time." COYOTE “Aye. He’d know. There’s some missing piece here. We need to sit down and talk about it. Find out more information.” IZZY He nodded again, and winced. "Also gotta tell him I killed his, y'know, boyfriend or whatever the fuck." COYOTE “Aye.” He hesitated, then rubbed his face. “I met him briefly. Anwyll, I mean. I... ran into him on Patch Island. He seemed— fine. A little brisk, but... affectionate, and willing to work with Raef. It seemed like Raef had a hold over him. He listened to Raef. I feel— bad, knowing he’s possessed. Maybe we can fix him. Maybe we can save him.” IZZY Hansel grumbled for a moment. He didn't wanna fucking fix Anwyll. Didn't wanna save him. If -- if it was Diva, though, if it was just Diva -- "Aye," he said reluctantly. "If he ain't a fuckin' threat anymore. We get Diva outta him, either way. For Raef." COYOTE “I like him,” Mishka said vaguely. “He seems lonely. He likes Raef.” He cuddled closer to Hansel. He was pretty sure he just liked Anwyll because Anwyll was now possessed and Mishka identified with him now, but still. Poor guy. IZZY Hansel grumbled some more, half thinking about the big empty cave, half thinking about the man in Freeport whose brother had been eaten, and the bodies piled in that chamber, and the bodies the witches talked about. "Well," he allowed. "You like him, an' I'll keep bein' fuckin' suspicious of him. Teamwork, aye?" COYOTE “I mean, I’m still fucking suspicious of him,” Mishka said vaguely. “Just... gotta make sure he’s not a threat. Gotta protect Goro. God. Why’s he— why’s he keep trying to eat Goro? It must be Diva. She must be trying to scare him. She did that a lot with me. Tried to scare me. She— liked how it felt, I think. I bet she can feel it when Goro’s scared.” He was half dozing off now. He’d had a long, fucking exhausting day. They all had. IZZY Hansel nodded. Fucking Diva. Scaring his husbands. "If Anwyll seemed ..." he started, slowly. "If he seemed ... normal. Aye? Just like he likes Raef, an' ... he's lonely, and like he'd listen t'Raef. I mean, like a goddamn person. Like he wasn't Diva. But then he was all fuckin' Diva, like -- he wasn't himself anymore ... You s'pose he forgot, too?" Then, more quietly, "You s'pose that's gonna happen to Goro?" COYOTE Mishka shuddered. The fear came back pretty much instantly after that. He wondered if he should tell Goro that was a possibility. That he might turn into a monster like Anwyll. Might lose his mind and become a glutton. Hiding it from him seemed wrong but— telling him seemed wrong, too. He was already dealing with too much. No memories, no idea what was going on, worrying he was gonna lose his mind even worse. Finding out might make him panic. And Mishka wasn’t sure he could stand seeing Goro panic like that. “Maybe,” Mishka said. “I gotta.... I gotta do something, Hans. I gotta plan, or find out more information.” IZZY "Aye." Hansel squeezed him on more time for good measure, then let go to huff out a breath and rub a hand through his hair. "Aye, me too. Gonna -- talk to Raef. Tell him. See if he's got anything. Then I'll talk to Goro. I know he ain't ..." He trailed off there. He knew Goro wasn't gonna know him. He knew he couldn't do anything that Mishka and Amari and Luci and Leigh hadn't done already. He felt like -- it might be overwhelming or scary for Goro to see him, and he was going to have to be so careful, and it was going to be fucking painful to not just grab him and squeeze him and call him my sun, my sweetheart, and pet his hair. "I'll --." He sighed again and kissed Mishka's forehead. "I'll do what I can, aye? And you do what you can. Meet back up later. Strategize." COYOTE “Absolutely, yes,” Mishka said, squeezing Hansel one last time. “Thank you,” he said awkwardly. “For always— being there for me when I panic about something.” IZZY "Pffft," Hansel said. "Ishi. Part of the job." END Category:Text Roleplay